"she had 18 dolls"

The first time I entered into this patient’s room, I got scared. There was a doll in bed beside her that was starring at me. I could not have eye to eye contact,off course with the doll.

She was a patient who could not breathe,talk without assistance and ambulate so was the doll.Later I was told that she had 18 dolls and the stories at nursing station were as imaginative as nurses from different parts of world.

One day one of her favorite physician assistant visited her, and the very next day to our surprise, like we needed one, there was an additional doll,a black doll was in her bed. It freaked out all of us.

As times goes on, nothing happened and my patient took care of her dolls like a live object. We watched as other patients did, but no one said a single word.

How someone can get so deeply attached to an inanimate object is a question for a curious mind. I wonder that her doll collection was something deeper than we will ever know. It may just be a reminder that we can give meaning to any object of our desire. The more I thought about it,I was not so surprised.

Yes, dolls are part of human tradition whether it is in the form of gods, money, power or our egos. It is just we all have dolls with different faces and different names. To be honest we all do love our dolls.

"broken bones and more"

He broke his ribs, scapula and clavicle while saving a deer on road. That motor cycle accident had taken away a lot from him,including his spleen.

On his first day at the hospital,as I introduced myself to him,he had this look of a hero,70 years old and just too well preserved for his age.

The other day I asked him, why he did so?
His reply was a smile with a sparkle in his eyes. He could not say a word. He had then a tracheotomy and was on a ventilator.

How some people put their lives before their safety to save others is a striking human attribute.It does not matter whether the life they save is a man or an animal. To some this may be the highest calling, a life worth living in and a life worth dying for.

"he is a good man"

I got him as a patient with a challenge.The wife wanted him to get better so that she can take him home.In usual situation it was not a big deal.But in this case,the odds were desperately odd. He was on mechanical ventilator with multitude of problems..

How humans love and keep loving is beyond imagination.
One day she showed me their wedding pictures,nicely saved as a treasure.It was time captured in moments of joy.Sometimes I wish,"lets just freeze in happy times".A smile,cheese,here it is moment.The forever 'aha moment.

Then she kissed her husband,and told me that "he is a good man,he took good care of her when he was healthy".
I saw a glow on her face with a deep shade of sorrow in her eyes.That was love in action:smile,joy,sparkle,tears;all components of being in love.

In the coming days,I saw her involved,caring,maintaining the fine line not to offend egos of doctors and nurses She was there just to have the best out of a sad situation she was in. Every day she had the same goal of taking her husband back to their home. May be some day,but there and then,it was a sad love story.A princess was losing her prince in every passing by moment.

How some people try to make the best out of their worst life situations is really amazing.Can that be a simple blessing or is that a wise choice.What ever is the reason,their ways of dealing with their lives make them living a life full of human experiences.

To some living the fullest human experience is the ultimate spiritual experience of all times.

"he is a broken man"

The other day I went to visit this patient.A very proud,self made,professional gentleman whose pride was a little skewed in terms of having a killer instinct.
He had a stroke which made him dependent on others but I saw enthusiasm of a conqueror in his eyes. I saw struggles.His struggle to survive and learn basic daily living skills and his family's struggle to see this proud man's daily losing battle.

One day his wife told me that a health care provider had made a comment that made her very upset.
"He is a broken man",those were the words.
Those words had echoed day in and day out in her mind.Those were the words which torn apart whatever strength left in this wife to care for a stroke survivor,her husband.

How our words can affect family members is a serious awareness issue in medical community. What we say,how we say,our words make or break people.

Words can have life of there own.Words can cause an invisible sharp razor cut or be an invisible soothing angel touch.The words,verbal or nonverbal, have lasting impact upon the morale and coping of families in a stressful time of their lives.

I wonder when will we treat all our patients like our own parents,brothers, sisters, wives,husbands,children,uncles,aunts and grandparents. Perhaps only then we will mind our own words to heal and keep our words like first do no harm !

"smiling and dying"

I was out the day she was admitted on my service. In my sign out I was told that she needed hospice care and she was dying.

When I met her; she greeted me with a smile. She was on high flow oxygen, she could not breathe well but she had this angelic smile. I discussed the overall prognosis that she was dying fast. I was proud of myself that I did communicate well, until later it fall upon me that it was her not me who was communicating at all.

The very next day and over few days later, in my interactions with her, I never noticed even a glimpse of fear. She was the same smiling, greeting face, wanting to go home. Not a word uttered about scare, fear, guilt, regret, blame.

How a person can keep smiling while knowingly dying is really a privileged experience for a few. I wonder is it extreme fear of death which makes one numbed-in-smile or those are a few lucky ones who embrace their forward journey with a no-fear-smile.

Lao Tzu

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage"

Lao Tzu

"the ways of the lonely ones"

"this life is not merely the what it seems to be.Hidden from our eyes by the cloak of materiality is a wonderful world which only the eyes of the dreamer can see and the soul of a mystic comprehend. The stony walls of conventionalized thought and commercialized ideas shut from view life's noble path. But as the ages pass,some of the greatness of the Divine plan comprehend the glorious destiny of the human soul.Sorrow,suffering and loneliness are the great builders of character. Man never becomes truly great until his heart is broken. That is the supreme test. Those who are deepened and broadened by their experiences rise triumphant from the ruins of their dreams and pass on to fuller destiny"

(" The Ways of The Lonely Ones" by Manly Hall)

"xoxo"

Hey,I am talking to you !
Today I want to tell you everything;
"You make my toes curl"
"You make my thoughts swirl"
"You make my eyes twinkle"
"You make my sheets wrinkle"

"We've got forever written all over us".

I read this card and said perfect.
And I wrote : "from heart to heart"
Then I signed this card with anticipation: "xoxo"

"kool 1O1"

"I love you from every fiber of my being",I said.
And a smile was the reply.

"Do you love me the same",I asked.
And a smile was the reply.

"Though love is kool 1o1",I said.
"But I know it's not you,it's me in love".

"a long distance love"

I felt you with me like a breath all this time.
Life went on with a long sigh all this time.

You are there with those unfaithful in love,
I am here with a faith in my long distance love.

Life goes on with a new season of trial and triumph,
Lets see who will have you in this upcoming season of sale.