Everyone of us have a story.Though everyone of us may not have a title of our stories.Truly just being alive is a story,as simple as that.
He was admitted with respiratory failure on a ventilator.He had a failing heart and a losing brain.He could not talk,breath,recognize.His life was dependent on machines and medicines.He was alive,as some of us said,because his time was not yet up.
His story was rather untold until I saw him while she came to visit him.In her presence,he started mouthing words,he was smiling,his heart rate went high and he needed medication.Everyone saw what happened but no one knew how it happened.
To some,life,love and soul mate remain fascinating aspects of stories of life.To other,how he felt what we did not, remain beyond reason and understanding.I felt though love was in air and he breath in as life.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
"a persistent hugging state"
He was getting better day by day.He was funny and was in love.All of us were happy for his long awaited recovery until one night his heart rate got out of control.Matters of heart,as we know, are always serious weather in romance or in medicine.His heart stopped,the circulation of blood stopped and then with resuscitation he was revived. A life saved in front of us.
The cost was high.His brain got severely affected by lack of oxygen during moments when heart had stopped.Again in romance or in medicine heart rules brain follows.
Over days to follow his recovery,it was saddening.He was on a ventilator and he had developed contracted arms and legs.He was mouthing words,unable to recognize,unable to see,unable to voice love to his loved ones.
Life with its mysteries bring stuff which we interpret according to our desires.
To some, his tightly contracted arms againgst his chest were a persistent hugging state while others saw an incapacited man with a terrible outcome in modern day life saving endeavor.
The cost was high.His brain got severely affected by lack of oxygen during moments when heart had stopped.Again in romance or in medicine heart rules brain follows.
Over days to follow his recovery,it was saddening.He was on a ventilator and he had developed contracted arms and legs.He was mouthing words,unable to recognize,unable to see,unable to voice love to his loved ones.
Life with its mysteries bring stuff which we interpret according to our desires.
To some, his tightly contracted arms againgst his chest were a persistent hugging state while others saw an incapacited man with a terrible outcome in modern day life saving endeavor.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Quote
"The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring"
Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde
Thursday, December 30, 2010
"it has legs"
Life has given him real chances to live,as we saw him recovering after getting a kidney transplant.The hardest part though was to look at him.A man who was lying there cut short knees down.A serious consequence of his illnesses.
He was suffering from heart,vascular and renal failures.His blood vessels were totally incapacitated,so much so that it was hard to find a vein and artery to put a dialysis catheter to keep him alive,so he got a new kidney.
As he was getting better and moving on in his life's experiences I saw foot steps of a kind gentle soul.He left giant steps of appreciation,gratitude and love to all.I was glad that his soul was with strong footings and it has legs.
To some,limitations of their bodies dwarf their existence in life while others make their bodies a form of reference so we mortals can see beyond.
He was suffering from heart,vascular and renal failures.His blood vessels were totally incapacitated,so much so that it was hard to find a vein and artery to put a dialysis catheter to keep him alive,so he got a new kidney.
As he was getting better and moving on in his life's experiences I saw foot steps of a kind gentle soul.He left giant steps of appreciation,gratitude and love to all.I was glad that his soul was with strong footings and it has legs.
To some,limitations of their bodies dwarf their existence in life while others make their bodies a form of reference so we mortals can see beyond.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
"fear of what if"
Suffering from a devastating neurological disease had taken away hope from her. She looked frightened to me. She was diagnosed with ALS and her body did failed her before her mind.A ventilator was keeping her alive.
Everyday during rounds we saw that she had tears and she did cried ,though she denied any pain and anxiety. She was quite adamant that she was not depressed. The very next few days she looked better, more smiles as I told her to keep smiling. That was a doctor’s order and she was folowing to be lively again.
To our surprise as patient was getting comfortable,though her disease was progressing, her daughter got more and more worried about her mother’s care to the extent of interfering medical management.It made us all feel challenged that how come the daughter had not seen that her mother was very comfortable and feeling better.It dawn upon us latter when her daughter revealed that what if she might have similar fate like her mother. It was her fear that was driving her where she was,anticipation of unknown,her own fate.
To some, fear of their own “what if” vulnerability make them do things what they would have not done otherwise.To others, acceptance of unknown make them sleep at night when they put their head on a pillow of faith.
Everyday during rounds we saw that she had tears and she did cried ,though she denied any pain and anxiety. She was quite adamant that she was not depressed. The very next few days she looked better, more smiles as I told her to keep smiling. That was a doctor’s order and she was folowing to be lively again.
To our surprise as patient was getting comfortable,though her disease was progressing, her daughter got more and more worried about her mother’s care to the extent of interfering medical management.It made us all feel challenged that how come the daughter had not seen that her mother was very comfortable and feeling better.It dawn upon us latter when her daughter revealed that what if she might have similar fate like her mother. It was her fear that was driving her where she was,anticipation of unknown,her own fate.
To some, fear of their own “what if” vulnerability make them do things what they would have not done otherwise.To others, acceptance of unknown make them sleep at night when they put their head on a pillow of faith.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
"can God just take him"
He was suffering from poor lungs and his back pain had made him crippled. He could not breath as well as could not move because of severe spine disease. Every day was a struggle for medical team as his pain was not responding to medications.
He looked like he will die but suddenly his antibiotics start working, and his pain seems to be reasonably controlled. We were happy of our accomplishment of saving a life.
The patient still looked like exhausted of his life’s marathon.His wife of 40 years told us,”I can read him like a book,he can’t take it anymore”.Then she said,”can God just take him”, she had tears in her eyes saying good bye,go to God.
The very next day he went to God.
To some,keeping the string of life attached while a loved one suffers is a matter of their own association with life.For others,freeing a loved one to go to God is the ultimate tribute to love of their life.
He looked like he will die but suddenly his antibiotics start working, and his pain seems to be reasonably controlled. We were happy of our accomplishment of saving a life.
The patient still looked like exhausted of his life’s marathon.His wife of 40 years told us,”I can read him like a book,he can’t take it anymore”.Then she said,”can God just take him”, she had tears in her eyes saying good bye,go to God.
The very next day he went to God.
To some,keeping the string of life attached while a loved one suffers is a matter of their own association with life.For others,freeing a loved one to go to God is the ultimate tribute to love of their life.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
"from totally incapacitated to fully in control"
She had been diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease which was progressive and effecting her body and soul.She was physically limited and spiritually exhausted.She was tired,she was fearful.Everyday she needed to be reassured.Many times a day she needed to be reminded that God was with her.
The hospital days for her become longer and longer as she was losing her physical strength.Surprisingly the strength in her right hand remain as strong as it was at beginning.She was able to write though she was not able to talk due to her progressive weakness.
Her writings were clearly one of her signature style.There was fear, hope, memory, gratitude. Finally the day came when her hand,the only strong part of her body,gave up on her.That was the day we all felt as though we all became paralysed.We were numb,it felt like we all had a cut that just won't bleed.
Her final communication was a drop of tear as it rolled down from her right eye.We knew that was all she wanted to tell us,we knew there was fear,hope,memory,gratitude.
To some,losing physically is like losing all battles.For others,losing physically is the beginning of a next stage of journey,from totally incapacitated to fully in control.
The hospital days for her become longer and longer as she was losing her physical strength.Surprisingly the strength in her right hand remain as strong as it was at beginning.She was able to write though she was not able to talk due to her progressive weakness.
Her writings were clearly one of her signature style.There was fear, hope, memory, gratitude. Finally the day came when her hand,the only strong part of her body,gave up on her.That was the day we all felt as though we all became paralysed.We were numb,it felt like we all had a cut that just won't bleed.
Her final communication was a drop of tear as it rolled down from her right eye.We knew that was all she wanted to tell us,we knew there was fear,hope,memory,gratitude.
To some,losing physically is like losing all battles.For others,losing physically is the beginning of a next stage of journey,from totally incapacitated to fully in control.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
"to wake up with someone beautiful like you"
She had been suffering from shortness of breath,generalized edema and cellulitis amongst her other health problems.Her confussional state of mind was certainly not helping whatever left out of her.Over days of care and treatment she started to improve,mind and body got coordinated but new dimensions of life stressors were wearing her down.
She told me that her husband got so stressed out with her illness that he had not visited her for days.She was unhappy of not being with her husband as "he missed her at home".I did my doc-talk and let her feeling vented by a heart to heart conversation.
The very next day as I went to see her in her hospital room I saw a beautiful bouquet on her table.I praised those flowers,she responded by saying,"it is an expensive one".Then she said,"it is always good to wake up with something beautiful to look at".
I was curious but I never knew,who was the sender of that bouquet.What I saw there was a personal yearning of love,her love for her husband.
"To wake up with someone beautiful like him to look at ",those were the missing words which I so much wanted to hear then but words remain unsaid.
To some flowers are the encrypted face of our heart desires,our love or loss.For others a bouquet is a constant reminder of love,to wake up with someone beautiful like you.
She told me that her husband got so stressed out with her illness that he had not visited her for days.She was unhappy of not being with her husband as "he missed her at home".I did my doc-talk and let her feeling vented by a heart to heart conversation.
The very next day as I went to see her in her hospital room I saw a beautiful bouquet on her table.I praised those flowers,she responded by saying,"it is an expensive one".Then she said,"it is always good to wake up with something beautiful to look at".
I was curious but I never knew,who was the sender of that bouquet.What I saw there was a personal yearning of love,her love for her husband.
"To wake up with someone beautiful like him to look at ",those were the missing words which I so much wanted to hear then but words remain unsaid.
To some flowers are the encrypted face of our heart desires,our love or loss.For others a bouquet is a constant reminder of love,to wake up with someone beautiful like you.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"it is,it is,it's ok,it's ok"
She had multitude of medical illnesses affecting her body and I had noticed that her mind was also struggling then with words finding.It was extremely difficult to have a reasonable conversation but she could be heard from many rooms away.Her repetition of words were some how limited to those words:
"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
As time goes on nothing changed physically she showed some signs of improvement,sitting up in chair,self feeding at the tops.I had also noticed a smile on her face too.The most amazing experience was one day when she addressed me with a smile and said,"doctor".Then her words were the same:"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".I remember that her addressing to me as a doctor had my day but I wondered about those words days after days.Those words were out right full of wisdom,perhaps acceptance,surrender,contentment and compassion in the shortest spoken words.
I did never found out what was she thinking when she was repeating those words.But I was able to make her smile by simply asking for one.That was my
ultimate conversation with her then her words echoed in my ear:"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
Life experiences,at some point in our lives,had made some of us either a philosopher or a hopeless lover.We learn and speak about mind,body and soul.We pride ourselves in becoming true to ourselves.We look for signs in complexities and chaos missing the simple path of enlightenment.
To some,life is a struggle to find out how she said it all so simply and to others,life is "it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
As time goes on nothing changed physically she showed some signs of improvement,sitting up in chair,self feeding at the tops.I had also noticed a smile on her face too.The most amazing experience was one day when she addressed me with a smile and said,"doctor".Then her words were the same:"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".I remember that her addressing to me as a doctor had my day but I wondered about those words days after days.Those words were out right full of wisdom,perhaps acceptance,surrender,contentment and compassion in the shortest spoken words.
I did never found out what was she thinking when she was repeating those words.But I was able to make her smile by simply asking for one.That was my
ultimate conversation with her then her words echoed in my ear:"it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
Life experiences,at some point in our lives,had made some of us either a philosopher or a hopeless lover.We learn and speak about mind,body and soul.We pride ourselves in becoming true to ourselves.We look for signs in complexities and chaos missing the simple path of enlightenment.
To some,life is a struggle to find out how she said it all so simply and to others,life is "it is,it is,it's Ok,it's OK".
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
"the most content soul of all"
He was a well accomplished doctor who was now a patient. He was living on a ventilator, as life had almost taken away his breath.
The other day he got my attention by tapping his service table. He wanted attention all the times as we knew rather by a surprise. He was a practicing physician when all that happened which change his role from a doctor to a patient in the house of gods.
One day he wrote down that he has so much to offer but his limitations had made him useless. I looked at him, I told him that he was the best in what he used to be. Just keep the memory alive with thoughts of those times when he helped strangers,as we call them our patients. He remained miserable as he got stuck in his thoughts.
To some,being valuable by offerings is the only way they value themselves.To others, being who they really are matters at all,their struggles start and end with them, they own their experiences.They may have the most content souls of all.
I wish he may had valued himself as who he was once upon a time !
The other day he got my attention by tapping his service table. He wanted attention all the times as we knew rather by a surprise. He was a practicing physician when all that happened which change his role from a doctor to a patient in the house of gods.
One day he wrote down that he has so much to offer but his limitations had made him useless. I looked at him, I told him that he was the best in what he used to be. Just keep the memory alive with thoughts of those times when he helped strangers,as we call them our patients. He remained miserable as he got stuck in his thoughts.
To some,being valuable by offerings is the only way they value themselves.To others, being who they really are matters at all,their struggles start and end with them, they own their experiences.They may have the most content souls of all.
I wish he may had valued himself as who he was once upon a time !
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