"readiness to accept"

He was in hospital for almost a year,before that he was still ill.

When I met him ,he was a nonverbal,emaciated,contracted man.Only way to know about his ways of life was through his involved wife. She claimed that he was a good man.

I know that bad things can happen to good men and I know that there is a reason behind this,though our capacity to reason has its own limitations.Over all he was a good man stuck in a body with a stroke of fate.

Over time of his illness,his lungs start to failing then he became dependent on a ventilator.He got pneumonia,and develop sepsis.A decision was made to keep him comfortable via opiates and anxiolytics.We all were ready to accept the ultimate outcome,day after day,as those pass by in moments of anguish and struggle between life and death,we saw a life which does not want to leave a body.

He got better !!

His wife had tears of joy,she said,he always does this to her.Lord has answered her payers.she was ready for that for years.

I wonder,how much our readiness is enough to accept situations as they are,without a tear,without questioning and without doubting ourselves.

To some, they find readiness to accept with ultimate demise of hope in time.Others find their way to cope,as being human,in prayers.

"meeting strangers at the last station"

In our line of duty we meet total strangers,some of those become routine acquaintances,others become friends.

Even those who we serve as a face,touch our lives in a unique way,they guide us at our own crossroad of life's experience.We talk if they can then we know who they are.

The short coming of a medical record is the division of a patient's life into a format which includes present compliant,history and examination.The time constraint of modern day medicine practice create lack of a personal touch.

I am honoured to know so many patients who in the beginning were total strangers,who then became friends.They left at their time of departure,but meeting those strangers at the last station make me think,the fundamental question:how much success in this world is the real success.

To some,the last station in their journey is a hospital bed with a Tracheotomy,Gastrostomy and a Foley's catheter.I wonder what would they have done differently if the foresight of their limitations at last station had been thought through before hand.Our basic needs to breath,to eat,to void can make us so incapacitated that at times no amount of name and fame can bring those back.

Life is a journey and the purpose of life is to live with experiences without missing the sight of departure at the last station.Good byes can be so long.
This can be our own story in making,a foresight of what is important now and what future will hold.

"flowers are forever"

i saw her arriving in the ward on a stretcher with a bouquet of purple flowers neatly tucked in to her sides.
It looked nice but the overall picture was not so rosy.The multitude of health issues were there to deal with besides her age.She was 80 years younger who made you wondered how she managed out so far.

Overtime I knew about her,her pains,her life,passions and hobbies.One of her hobby was to send flowers to people in their good times and not so good times.I learned that flowers are natures gift,a way of decorating our lives with color,fragrance and delicacy.

I saw that every few days she was receiving a nice bouquet and her room was becoming a wonderland of exotic flowers.Flowers say it all even without a message card,she told me that. If I have to live again I will live as a flower she continued.

That was my last conversation with her.She left behind tons of flowers,all reminded us of her presence,even though she was not there.

Yes,I remember her words:flowers say it all even without a message card.

To some of us she touched our lives with a different perspective;flowers are forever as is her memory.

"wish you were here"

Life is not easy to live.The pain of hanging on is sometimes more severe than hanging in there.


I have heard enough stories of people losing their spouses at home.Sometimes expected though at other times suddenly in their sleep in their own bed just next to them.People live with a scar of unfulfilled love when that happen,sudden death,no warning ,no sign.

He was dying in hospital with cancer,a progressive,erosive tumor causing pain and suffering.His wife was there all the time,as were we.He was asked to have any thing and every thing what ever he would liked.He asked for a beer and his wife got it.I remember that afternoon,he had a beer,we browsed through his photo-album of world wide cruises,pictures of waves,wind,rain and shine.

He looked at me with a smile,rather strangely and said,I am glad I met you at this time.I can't thank you enough.

I felt tears in our eyes,no words,no voice heard though our silence said it all.He was dying,he knew that.

To some experiencing death with a dying spouse is as devastating as to others a death without goodbye,sudden unplanned.

How it happen,why it happen remain beyond mind and reason,though a desire of "wish you were here" stays on with those left behind.

"story of my life"

She was young and had issues of mind and body.I saw that she was bleeding from her forearm,as I walked into examination room.

I was told that she did cut herself.She had a history of that.Her whole arm looked like a scratch board with prior cutting scars.The bleeding from new cut stopped within minutes as I applied dressing.

So you will be getting a scar,don't do that,I told her.
She replied,I don't care,this is the story of my life.

To some living with a scary story give them a role in life,though a short one.Others recreate their story by healing their scars.

I do'nt know her story as there was no story teller.The only question I ponder is how to find those healers amongst ourselves who might cure scars.

"to give God a second chance"

He was young with no serious health issues,though taking care of him as a patient was not an easy job.

He was admitted with a complaint of severe chest pain piercing through front of his chest,all the way back to his spine.In ordinary situations,just this compliant can be a daring diagnosis.Though not in the case I was dealing with,as all of his tests came back negative.We all felt so relieved and happy as he was not a stranger patient,he was one of us.

I spoke with him afterwards,as what was going on.His test were all good but why he had this pain.He blamed all that to stresses in his life.I suggested that he should rest, keep faith and pray.

He responded that he lost faith since his younger brother died as a young man.I felt sad but still I said it,"give faith a second chance".He looked at me in a way that I still wonder what was that about. I felt a struggle deep down in myself as I told him "to give God a second chance".

I don't know how those words came to me,though I wish he may find faith,as he had it once upon a time.

Some may say that you can't lose something if it was your's before,certainly it include faith.

"quote"

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him".

"miracles do happen"

He had suffered a massive stroke that was the reality and their life froze to a point where nothing was moving.

She sat by his side,everyday,talking to him and reading, though he was unresponsive. A bible by her side, many pages tabbed "so I can go exactly where I want to in a second". The prognosis was grim and she was so calm. Though lying so sick in the bed, a massive stroke having robbed his reason and presence, the aura of the strong and handsome man who was her husband could not be hidden. "He spoke to me today", she said so hopeful. 'Did he really?' we all wondered, medically seeming an impossibility.

So often loved ones see and hear what they want to. 'Maybe', we concluded, because this is what we all wanted to be the truth and, of course; miracles do happen.

"is knowing that is enough"

Her eyes were bright but full of fear.She was suffering from pain and anxiety along with diagnoses of multiple organ cancers.There was the struggle of a lifetime,to be alive with a decent quality of life.

One day she told me that she does not want to die and she will fight for her life.I knew that she knew the truth. I saw a losing battle but I could not say that.Her life was her own struggle knowing that there may not be a tomorrow.

The days of our life are counted on a calendar,likewise her years had been counted.We all walk around carrying a ticking clock without knowing that at some point our battery will ran out.She knew that her clock was dying.

To some,death is the departure from pain and suffering.Others fight to be alive to endure pain of living.

What is so great about life that we all cling to it as there will be no death. I wonder,is knowing that is enough.

"second best thing in life"

She was not young anymore,age always is a relative time-meter anyway.Her problems were different.She had acute and chronic medical issues ranging from respiratory failure with a tracheotomy,a feeding tube,generalized muscle weakness and developmental delay.

She did surprise her medical team by getting better with a speed only she could maintain.Once she came off ventilator,she start talking,a nonstop talk about her fiance,though none existed to our knowledge.

We did not confronted her,no one knew the truth behind her veil of mind.We were just happy for her.Her passion was obvious,she was on a speedy recovery and she was in love.

If our breath is the first best thing in life,some may ask what is the second best thing in life.I say,being in love.

To some,as we know, it may even take a breath away.