Thursday, November 28, 2013

"worriers or warriors"

Being in her body was not easy, but being in her head was the real challenge. She was suffering from respiratory failure with advanced emphysema, heart failure and borderline renal insufficiency. She was dependent on the ventilator to breath, and spontaneous breathing was a story of past.

She was a warrior, as her family described her, she want to get better and she will fight for it.

But we saw her as a worrier; everything was a trigger of anxiety for her.Certainly that was a disaster, if one can't breath too. I do consider shortness of breath a close cousin of anxiety, both goes hand in hand, one comes following the other

Why we struggle so much in trying to get better, telling every one that our loved ones are the fighters, though a wounded one, and why they become worriers instead. Those were the questions then, and those are questions now.

The power of acceptance and moving on with what we really know about our limitations  is one way of dealing a worrier state of mind. Acceptance can be our armor and what we want from ourselves can guide us in the journey though the end of our earthly life. It may be a choice of a good quality of life over a leased life on artificial means.The answer is usually on our faces, it is that acceptance which can liberate oneself, and can turn a worrier into a warrior. Most people know that but few do apply.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

" in search of a miracle"

He was suffering from a multitude of health issues, and nothing was new for him and his wife. Their life was revolving in and out of hospitals, and waiting for the next doctor's office appointments.

When I met him, he was not doing well. His breathing was labored, his heart rhythm was irregular, his lungs were getting filled in with fluid and  his kidneys were shutting down. Then he recovered. He was a man with nine lives as we get to know him.

Though his progress was slow but steady, his recovery was amazingly in right direction and his tests were showing signs of improvement.

One day his wife told me that she is frustrated with his condition, then she continued that she understood her husband's condition and not looking for a miracle.

To some, miracles never happen in their lives or surroundings. They may need to define a miracle differently. They may have to look at them selves, waking up every morning, walking on two feet with a balance, how it happened; they may need to ponder.

Others are the believers, and they live a life full of miracles. They know that each breath is a miracle in itself. How it happen,why it happen, no questions.Lets receive it and keep a miracle simple; that is their motto.

Just be happy to waking up every day to greet sun and moon, birds and sky,  and be in love; we are surrounded by miracles. Feel it.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

" shalom"

He was a well established name while he was alive and no one knew his worth upon his death.
No, he was not an elephant.

I took care of him as he was admitted with a dying liver due to his self inflicted harms to his beloved liver with alcoholism. The logic of forbidding intoxication clearly understandable in his context. He had every thing at one point in his life until the other point arrived. He destroyed what he thought he had established until we met in a hospital room.

His condition deteriorated with liver failure and his appearance rose to the ultimate tanned body one can imagine. He was severely jaundiced. He then died.

To some, life is unfair and full of struggles until they come face to face with the dying reality of death. They may even die struggling - fighting for a life they may have no more.

Other wonder about struggles of living without worrying about death and dying. They know that the key is to live life in a dying way such as there is no struggles for tomorrow to joy or mourn.

They surrender to life and consider death as an extension of life. They respect moments of life as the time will pass until we meet again. They know the exercise; lets not struggle and be in peace - shalom.