Thursday, December 30, 2010

"it has legs"

Life has given him real chances to live,as we saw him recovering after getting a kidney transplant.The hardest part though was to look at him.A man who was lying there cut short knees down.A serious consequence of his illnesses.

He was suffering from heart,vascular and renal failures.His blood vessels were totally incapacitated,so much so that it was hard to find a vein and artery to put a dialysis catheter to keep him alive,so he got a new kidney.

As he was getting better and moving on in his life's experiences I saw foot steps of a kind gentle soul.He left giant steps of appreciation,gratitude and love to all.I was glad that his soul was with strong footings and it has legs.

To some,limitations of their bodies dwarf their existence in life while others make their bodies a form of reference so we mortals can see beyond.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

"fear of what if"

Suffering from a devastating neurological disease had taken away hope from her. She looked frightened to me. She was diagnosed with ALS and her body did failed her before her mind.A ventilator was keeping her alive.

Everyday during rounds we saw that she had tears and she did cried ,though she denied any pain and anxiety. She was quite adamant that she was not depressed. The very next few days she looked better, more smiles as I told her to keep smiling. That was a doctor’s order and she was folowing to be lively again.

To our surprise as patient was getting comfortable,though her disease was progressing, her daughter got more and more worried about her mother’s care to the extent of interfering medical management.It made us all feel challenged that how come the daughter had not seen that her mother was very comfortable and feeling better.It dawn upon us latter when her daughter revealed that what if she might have similar fate like her mother. It was her fear that was driving her where she was,anticipation of unknown,her own fate.

To some, fear of their own “what if” vulnerability make them do things what they would have not done otherwise.To others, acceptance of unknown make them sleep at night when they put their head on a pillow of faith.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

"can God just take him"

He was suffering from poor lungs and his back pain had made him crippled. He could not breath as well as could not move because of severe spine disease. Every day was a struggle for medical team as his pain was not responding to medications.

He looked like he will die but suddenly his antibiotics start working, and his pain seems to be reasonably controlled. We were happy of our accomplishment of saving a life.

The patient still looked like exhausted of his life’s marathon.His wife of 40 years told us,”I can read him like a book,he can’t take it anymore”.Then she said,”can God just take him”, she had tears in her eyes saying good bye,go to God.

The very next day he went to God.

To some,keeping the string of life attached while a loved one suffers is a matter of their own association with life.For others,freeing a loved one to go to God is the ultimate tribute to love of their life.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

"from totally incapacitated to fully in control"

She had been diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease which was progressive and effecting her body and soul.She was physically limited and spiritually exhausted.She was tired,she was fearful.Everyday she needed to be reassured.Many times a day she needed to be reminded that God was with her.

The hospital days for her become longer and longer as she was losing her physical strength.Surprisingly the strength in her right hand remain as strong as it was at beginning.She was able to write though she was not able to talk due to her progressive weakness.

Her writings were clearly one of her signature style.There was fear, hope, memory, gratitude. Finally the day came when her hand,the only strong part of her body,gave up on her.That was the day we all felt as though we all became paralysed.We were numb,it felt like we all had a cut that just won't bleed.

Her final communication was a drop of tear as it rolled down from her right eye.We knew that was all she wanted to tell us,we knew there was fear,hope,memory,gratitude.

To some,losing physically is like losing all battles.For others,losing physically is the beginning of a next stage of journey,from totally incapacitated to fully in control.