Saturday, January 7, 2012

"when love is just not enough"

She loved him so much that she changed her daily routines to take care of him. He suffered from a stroke, paralysed waist down with no hope of recovery.

This was not a fairy tale as I saw her exhausted face weeks after she became a care giver. They had arguments,tears,regrets but a smile or a laugh was not mentioned even as a word on their next follow up visit.It appeared to me that they were together merely of ones need and others guilt. It felt like that love was just not enough to keep them going.

I knew the fatigue of compassion in care givers but I had not seen bleeding love out of what had been built as a love for life contract. So that was it,when love is just not enough.I wondered.

To some love is life,it adds value to live in what life offers.

Others fantasize love as being separate from the challenges which come with being alive.May be those are the one to whom love is just not enough when challenges arrive.

I think love adds colors of a rainbow to life. Though during build up of dark clouds we sometime lose sight of a rainbow which always come with rain,thunder and sun shine ;so is the love, always enough, always there, always to look for.


Raajii said...

Yeah, some people don't realize what they are getting - sometimes that's why love is not enough. How unfortunate.

crayzys said...

Since my brother recently had a significant stroke and my 81 year old mother, the caretaker, just wore herself down, I highly recommemd that the caregiver [aka caretaker] must be taught to care for themselves first to be able to have the strength for the infinite term.

Pardon but to those who tend stroke victims you may learn your own self-care importance in the book: Eureka! : memories and motivations : a strategy for creating a healing home for the stroke/brain injury patient and caregiver
by Siles, Madonna.

Love is not emough when you do not tend your own garden. Blessing to all that 'love too much' and forget that self must be tended before care-taking others.

May your guiding higher power remind you that every plant must get nourishment before producing seeds and flowers to bloom for others. Lessons learned must be 'Prayed Forward."

Thank you Daanish for so gently presenting a truth so oft ignored.

Sonnet of a Spirit said...

I don't disagree nor do I agree. I've never been in position to say that love is enough/not enough nor did I ever experience it. But I do agree that love adds colours of a rainbow to life. Thought provoking post, manshallah. And I liked CRAYZYS comment aboove:D

Joy said...

Actually, I think that love is always enough. Above all, love is a force for good. It is the means by which human beings achieve cosmic unity, the unity between one another, G-d and the universe. In love, we transcend our physical selves and connect with our souls. For love to remain true and flourish, however; it needs to be selfless and not conditional.

Conditional love does not create growth. It is a temporary need being fulfilled. Just as you need to eat again every so many hours, someone who loves conditionally will constantly need more helpings of assurance, caring and acceptance. But unconditional, or selfless, love is the foundation for human growth and everlasting love between two souls which carries on beyond this life.

Selfless, or true, love creates vulnerability, and that is precisely what makes true love so gratifying- the prospect of sharing your soul with another. It is comprehensive. It spills over and effects not just your immediate needs, but all of you.

This is why we do not begin our lives searching for love. As children, we first learn to receive love. Only when we mature can we have the capacity to connect with a stranger who will become our partner in marriage, in this life and beyond. We all yearn for love, for in true love we complete our souls experience and fulfill.

True/selfless love brings heaven to earth .
Conditional love dissipates and can make life a living hell.
The difference between the two comes in what we do with the loving experience and how we cope, determining fate or destiny.

True love moves mountains.
Conditional love destroys.

Trust is the key ingredient to maintaining true love, and remembering that trust does not come from perfect behavior; trust comes from accountability.

crayzys said...

Hope all is OK. You haven't post lately. Know the whirlwind life is--hope it doesn't have you in a typhoon spin just a gentle twirl of the many good things keeping you busy! Best, Jean

Daanish said...

Thanks Jean for your thoughtfulness.

crayzys said...

I happened across a post that gives a follow-up perspective to your post's content. It was an unpredictable ending to the death of a lifelong spouse... A feel-good ending at