" antidote of fear "

We all get afraid of something from time to time. Fear is a part of life.

Patients have their fears of living with the diagnosis of a disease and physicians have their own fears of not being able to heal all patients all the time.

He was recovering from a motor vehicle accident that, as we learned, was a near death experience.  In his own words, he saw death approaching him in slow motion though he was speeding in his car.  Only he knew what he was talking about, until one day his words were understood by many.

To some fear is a shut down feeling, amnesia takes over and the process goes on.

Others find an antidote of fear in either trust or faith, knowing that trust comes with accountability and faith comes with vulnerability.

“the wars of heart, mind and gut”

Though he looked like a story teller, he was a veteran with amazing stories of battlefields.

He had lost parts of his body during wartime. He was suffering from non-healing wounds
which were old wounds but, in his words, old wounds with new pains.

One day I asked him about his lessons from the battlefield and how he felt being a warrior. I saw a sharp glow of valor in his eyes as he said, no one likes war; we all have conflicts of ideas and needs. Creating a rationale, that’s the nature of ourselves. The best part of war is its end, the best stories are the survival stories and the best attribute is to keep humanity in acts of war.

To some, the lessons of the wars of heart, mind and gut are a source of daily strength as wisdom at a run.

Others keep their swords out to fight with their backs against the wall defending the unknown.

" love of distant lands"

He was brought in via med flight after being found stranded in a remote area for days. He was hypothermic, septic and struggling to hold on to life.  His condition stabilized over the next few days, as he started to respond to treatment and gradually became more responsive.

I still remember the first words out of his mouth. It was the name of a place I later found out was his home town, which he had never returned to after leaving almost half a century ago.

Life's journey makes all of us time travelers, though some of us travel  to the distant places of our dreams to make a life far away from where we once belonged.

To some life goes on regardless of living here or there, where one is now, that is the place to call home.

They are the ones who remember the saying " for every time zone that we are in, other than here, we drain our life energy".*

Others keep the love of a distant land hidden deep down while living in two worlds. They are the ones who never totally accept either of those worlds, until one day they find themselves connected to their roots.

I felt a yearning of love for distant lands when he uttered his first words.

* a Caroline Myss quote.

" a deer caught in headlights"

The day she was admitted, she became known for her expression of a deer caught in headlights.

She was suffering from a neuromuscular disorder where her body was no longer being controlled by her brain. The heartbreak was her complete awareness of that, and her understanding that she can’t do anything about it.

I saw fear in her eyes, a fear of the days to come as her disease progressed. I always related fear with the unknown, until I saw her with fear of the known.  She was afraid, she was aware, and she looked like a deer caught in headlights.

To some, their eyes are windows to their souls; you can see in their eyes your own destiny.

Others have eyes which remind us of windows with shades; limitations of their bodies with their fears blind them from living in the present moment.

I knew it then as I know it now. That was an observation; no words only expression and remembrance.