Her biggest attribute,according to her family was to wear make up all the times.
She was brought in to hospital with second stroke.Her brain was affected in ways of functioning:communication,perception and control.She was not the same person as she was a week ago.That was the statement by her family.She always wanted to look good.
The days were turning up into weeks.As we were dealing with her on a day to day basis her new attribute appeared as a smiling face.She still looked wonderful wearing nothing but a smile.
After all that happened to her,there she was with a drooling asymmetric face with a smile.
The prognosis was that she will never be the same by the stroke or some may say by the stroke of her luck. She may never need a mirror.
I wondered as whether that was an irony or natures balancing act,by taking away something in pairs and giving back in singles.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
"our design as a human being"
Are we designed to have a Foley's catheter,a tracheostomy tube,a gastrostomy tube?
The question was actually a statement by many of us,we think out loud at times like that.
He was suffering for years from a host of illnesses of mind and body.He survived his siblings without knowing that.He remained in hospital being taken care of his body needs;skin care,infection prevention,nutrition support.
In his case,the quantity of life had way surpassed the quality issue.To be honest the quality was not that bigger issue from the beginning.The subject of cost at the end of life care,the emotional attachment of doing unselfish good,job security to have chronic patients,all can be applicable here.
To some,our design as a human being is well accommodating,to have tubes put into our bodies.This gives us a survival edge.
To others,no amount of intervention even putting our mouth on their mouth bring them back to us.This is life.
The question was actually a statement by many of us,we think out loud at times like that.
He was suffering for years from a host of illnesses of mind and body.He survived his siblings without knowing that.He remained in hospital being taken care of his body needs;skin care,infection prevention,nutrition support.
In his case,the quantity of life had way surpassed the quality issue.To be honest the quality was not that bigger issue from the beginning.The subject of cost at the end of life care,the emotional attachment of doing unselfish good,job security to have chronic patients,all can be applicable here.
To some,our design as a human being is well accommodating,to have tubes put into our bodies.This gives us a survival edge.
To others,no amount of intervention even putting our mouth on their mouth bring them back to us.This is life.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
"tomorrow's headline"
He walked in the operation room to never walk again.He said,if he was smart enough he would had walked away from hospital that day.
Life,as usual threw a lemon but that was not making a lemonade moment,so I did not said a word.
He was diagnosed and treated for abdominal aneurysm.After surgery,his life changed from being on two feet to being paralysed hip down.
I saw his daily struggle for each and every drug,prescription,intervention we recommended.He always asked question,always refused in the beginning and always agreed in the end.As time went by I felt for him,who would not do what he was doing by going through what he had gone through.A tragedy of life;never to walk again.
Sometimes tomorrow's headline can be avoided but in his case a news became a tragedy.
To some,our disclosure in terms of risks versus benefit of an intervention is just a talk,nothing happens.To others,the worse possibility happens like winning a tragedy lottery.
Life,as usual threw a lemon but that was not making a lemonade moment,so I did not said a word.
He was diagnosed and treated for abdominal aneurysm.After surgery,his life changed from being on two feet to being paralysed hip down.
I saw his daily struggle for each and every drug,prescription,intervention we recommended.He always asked question,always refused in the beginning and always agreed in the end.As time went by I felt for him,who would not do what he was doing by going through what he had gone through.A tragedy of life;never to walk again.
Sometimes tomorrow's headline can be avoided but in his case a news became a tragedy.
To some,our disclosure in terms of risks versus benefit of an intervention is just a talk,nothing happens.To others,the worse possibility happens like winning a tragedy lottery.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
"from your mouth to God's ear"
She was admitted with a fall which led to a broken neck.She required mechanical ventilation to keep her alive.Days of her life changed as she started to learn doing things differently with her disability.
One day she told me that she was never religious but wonder how can she become a religious person now.She was regretful of the lost time as she was turning eighty.As we talked about God and religion,she asked,where was God when she had a fall.Then she questioned,why that happened to her,what good has done to her by God by allowing her to fall.
As days turn into weeks and she was getting better,we did talked about power of prayers as it is;from your mouth to God's ear.
To some,a fall is a fall even though some fall raise them from a mortal to an eternal life of knowing.
To others,God's ways are His ways,we may or may not understand: "we have no knowledge but that which Thou hast taught us;surely Thou art the Knowing.the Wise".
One day she told me that she was never religious but wonder how can she become a religious person now.She was regretful of the lost time as she was turning eighty.As we talked about God and religion,she asked,where was God when she had a fall.Then she questioned,why that happened to her,what good has done to her by God by allowing her to fall.
As days turn into weeks and she was getting better,we did talked about power of prayers as it is;from your mouth to God's ear.
To some,a fall is a fall even though some fall raise them from a mortal to an eternal life of knowing.
To others,God's ways are His ways,we may or may not understand: "we have no knowledge but that which Thou hast taught us;surely Thou art the Knowing.the Wise".
Saturday, July 23, 2011
"what is worse than pain"
Pain scares everyone but she was not one of those scared by pain.I had seen that.She had gone through many procedures for large open draining wounds but pain had not touched her as it did to us by just looking at her wounds.We always wondered why she was not in pain,and the best part of us always cried,she should be in pain.
One day as we did her wound care,she looked uncomfortable making noises.I asked her about pain on the scale of one to ten.She looked at me and said,pain is bearable but what I have is worst than pain,I am extremely nauseous.
To some,the notion of no gain without pain do not go too far.They may need to have luck on their side to have it all.
To others,what is worse than pain,it may be nausea.
One day as we did her wound care,she looked uncomfortable making noises.I asked her about pain on the scale of one to ten.She looked at me and said,pain is bearable but what I have is worst than pain,I am extremely nauseous.
To some,the notion of no gain without pain do not go too far.They may need to have luck on their side to have it all.
To others,what is worse than pain,it may be nausea.
"recycled emotions"
She came to us after a bad fall,she broke many bones.She had no complaint of pain, nor she ever reported any during our ward rounds,nursing care and rehabilitation sessions.
She was tough.She told me that she is just not into pills.One day,she looked quite uncomfortable so I talked to her about my concerns and how we can help in terms of her pain management.She agreed to disagree by saying that she is just sore,it does not hurt.
The next day during rounds I found her crying,I asked her about her pain and offered her help,she declined by saying she was not in pain.Then she continued by saying, the day was reminding her of husband's death twenty three years ago and she still feel so much pain,it hurts.
To some,physical pain is the ultimate cry for help.To others,recycled emotions bring back so much pain that even time cannot heal.
She was tough.She told me that she is just not into pills.One day,she looked quite uncomfortable so I talked to her about my concerns and how we can help in terms of her pain management.She agreed to disagree by saying that she is just sore,it does not hurt.
The next day during rounds I found her crying,I asked her about her pain and offered her help,she declined by saying she was not in pain.Then she continued by saying, the day was reminding her of husband's death twenty three years ago and she still feel so much pain,it hurts.
To some,physical pain is the ultimate cry for help.To others,recycled emotions bring back so much pain that even time cannot heal.
Friday, July 22, 2011
"beyond self righteousness"
I knew her since we joined our residency program,she was different from other residents.She was upfront,talkative and had a habit of smoking.
Now she was there with a terminal lung cancer.I was sitting next to her bed,her husband was sitting next to her.We were talking about memories of old good times.
I think this is the way people talk when they are going through bad times.All we did was talking and talked about those times when nothing was impossible,death and disease was not a possibility.Certainly not for us.
She told me about many things including how firm she was with patients who use to smoke.How much she struggled to quit smoking,and how she felt when she tried to convince patients to quit when she herself was struggling with it.She finally did.
To some,she was a hypocrite.To others,her act to save others with the same poison which was killing her was beyond self righteousness.
Now she was there with a terminal lung cancer.I was sitting next to her bed,her husband was sitting next to her.We were talking about memories of old good times.
I think this is the way people talk when they are going through bad times.All we did was talking and talked about those times when nothing was impossible,death and disease was not a possibility.Certainly not for us.
She told me about many things including how firm she was with patients who use to smoke.How much she struggled to quit smoking,and how she felt when she tried to convince patients to quit when she herself was struggling with it.She finally did.
To some,she was a hypocrite.To others,her act to save others with the same poison which was killing her was beyond self righteousness.
Monday, July 18, 2011
"self controlled experiences"
He had been in and out of hospital so many times that we all lost the count.Every time he went home he was back in hospital with something new.
He had real issues of heart and lung diseases,and he was told about being on a bonus life many years ago by his doctors.
As I knew him over his stay in hospital,I felt for him.His desires were simple like get better,go home,take care of his bills and house.The problem was his lack of understanding of his life reserves.His lungs,heart,kidneys and joints were not the same as before.
One day he told me that he want to do things in life just make him better.
To some their self controlled experiences of living a life make them miss the living with limitations and adjustments.Others do necessary adjustments to live with diseases as a part of human experience.
I found life's self controlled experiences are life limiting.Those struggle of living,as we know, takes away life from living and who wants to live a dead life.
He had real issues of heart and lung diseases,and he was told about being on a bonus life many years ago by his doctors.
As I knew him over his stay in hospital,I felt for him.His desires were simple like get better,go home,take care of his bills and house.The problem was his lack of understanding of his life reserves.His lungs,heart,kidneys and joints were not the same as before.
One day he told me that he want to do things in life just make him better.
To some their self controlled experiences of living a life make them miss the living with limitations and adjustments.Others do necessary adjustments to live with diseases as a part of human experience.
I found life's self controlled experiences are life limiting.Those struggle of living,as we know, takes away life from living and who wants to live a dead life.
"paradoxical hope'
She was dying young as I saw her during our daily morning rounds.She had a failing liver with all hallmarks of it.Her abdomen was distended,her skin and eyes were yellow and her face was pale.The only question came to my mind was,"what she has done to herself".
The sad part was that she was dying young just before the age of medical renaissance.
The age of stem cell now moving towards an age when organs can be build in near future.I thought that with a heavy heart.
As a day turn into a next day over those few days I saw her desire to be alive,she had a spirit of fighter though her chance was dismal.One day I sat down with her during her more lucid movements and told her that. She looked at me and said,"if I manage to be alive I am with my loving family here but if I die I will be with my loving family there".
Surely over next few days as her mind was getting more encephalopathic,she was more and more talking about meeting those who had gone before her.
To some paradoxical hope of remaining in the presence of their loved ones is a concept we ponder as we move on in our own lives. To others it dose not make sense to ask for the same whether alive or dead.
I think paradoxical hope is a mean to come to terms in whatever outcome we get and be in peace .
The sad part was that she was dying young just before the age of medical renaissance.
The age of stem cell now moving towards an age when organs can be build in near future.I thought that with a heavy heart.
As a day turn into a next day over those few days I saw her desire to be alive,she had a spirit of fighter though her chance was dismal.One day I sat down with her during her more lucid movements and told her that. She looked at me and said,"if I manage to be alive I am with my loving family here but if I die I will be with my loving family there".
Surely over next few days as her mind was getting more encephalopathic,she was more and more talking about meeting those who had gone before her.
To some paradoxical hope of remaining in the presence of their loved ones is a concept we ponder as we move on in our own lives. To others it dose not make sense to ask for the same whether alive or dead.
I think paradoxical hope is a mean to come to terms in whatever outcome we get and be in peace .
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
"wisdom of ages"
He was a successful businessman.He got older and sick.His problems included a complicated pneumonia,failing heart and an anxious mind.As he started to improve he got more anxious about his business.He knew it all,he had plans for next hundred years.
One day I asked him about his plans after his full recovery.He told me how other people are missing and messing things in his business.He would have done this way,others were doing things that way.I saw that he was not happy,he was worrying about everything;decisions,contracts,payroll,bills.
To some their aging experience teach them to delegate responsibilities and trust people.Others fight to regain their control as they have done all of their lives.The struggle of managing stuff keep them away from experiencing a chance,probably the last chance,to sit back,relax and let go of what is not so important.
I think the real adventure start with losing the control and being cool while watching others taking care of your stuff in their own style.That is the wisdom of ages:faith,discipline,unity.
One day I asked him about his plans after his full recovery.He told me how other people are missing and messing things in his business.He would have done this way,others were doing things that way.I saw that he was not happy,he was worrying about everything;decisions,contracts,payroll,bills.
To some their aging experience teach them to delegate responsibilities and trust people.Others fight to regain their control as they have done all of their lives.The struggle of managing stuff keep them away from experiencing a chance,probably the last chance,to sit back,relax and let go of what is not so important.
I think the real adventure start with losing the control and being cool while watching others taking care of your stuff in their own style.That is the wisdom of ages:faith,discipline,unity.
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